Do you ever find yourself caught up in a never-ending pattern of negativity and reactivity with someone?
The perception-reaction cycle
If so, you’re probably caught in what I call the Perception Reaction Cycle.
They do something, and you see it. Actually, you’re not just SEEING what they do, you’re also perceiving it through the distortions of your filters, biases, and stories.
That drives what you DO, your reaction. In your mind, it’s a reasonable response to what you *think* you’ve seen from them.
They SEE what you DO, and then perceive it through the distortion of all of their own filters, biases and stories.
And that drives what they DO, their reaction – in their mind, it’s a reasonable response to what they *think* they’ve seen from you.
As long as each of you stay within your filters, biases and stories, the cycle will roll on to infinity.
You can't change other people
You can’t change the other person’s behaviour or “correct” their perception. No matter how insightful or persuasive you believe yourself to be, there are only two things you can control:
- What you are perceiving (by rethinking your filters, examining your biases, and updating your stories)
- How you are acting (by choosing behaviours that align with your values and desired outcomes)
And the cool thing about any kind of cycle is that you only have to change one element for the whole thing to shift.
